To be recognized as an ‘elder’ is an admirable thing. It is not just about age, though often that is the most common usage. Being an elder is to be someone who others trust in, someone who brings safety and

security. Elders are needed in every society, in every organization and culture. I will be writing in this post specifically about elders in their role in organizations, movements, and churches.

So what is the danger I refer to in the title of this post? It is in the phrase ‘elders for life’. It is when there is no end to having someone be seen or included as an elder. When those that are younger have no room to contribute, or feel always obligated culturally to include the elder and there is no end to it.

It goes both ways: the elder for life not being able to let go and move back to give room to others. And also the people who for various reasons can’t let go of the elder, though their role and contribution needs to change from what it was before.

Let me be clear here. For those of you who have read my posts on succession, whether in my blog or on Facebook, you would know that I believe in ‘retirement’. That means retiring or withdrawing from roles all through our lives, not just when we are older. We retire not from a calling or purpose, but from specific roles and involvements. Often to be able to pass on those roles or involvements to others that are younger in a clear and transparent succession process.

In a similar way, we do not ‘retire’ from being an elder, but we do step back from what that looks like in involvement at times. It is a ‘strategic withdrawal’ from ways people want to include us, perhaps out of obligation culturally. Let me give an example from my own 46 years of Christian leadership, primarily in South Asia. A couple of years ago in a South Asian nation, it was the final night of a conference and there was going to be a celebration of the Lord’s supper. At the last minute, the leaders of that nation asked me to lead the communion as the most senior ‘elder’ there. I discerned that it was an important moment for the leadership team to be seen as giving the communion, so I declined and asked them if they would do it. In hindsight, it seemed to be the right thing as it empowered them in a fresh way. By my strategic withdrawal in that moment, space was opened up for a new generation of leaders to exercise their anointing and calling.

Recently I was in another nation where it seemed that every prayer, every encouraging word, every significant act was done by certain ‘elders’ who tended to be older. All the ‘space’ was taken up by these wonderful people who also happened to be men. Younger leaders and women seemingly did not have the opportunity at least in the meetings I was involved in. Though we highly value these ‘elders’, it became a question whether they had become ‘elders for life’, and in any meeting they participated in it would be the same story until they no longer had breath.

As I reach ‘elder’ status in terms of age as well as experience, I more and more see the need for strategic withdrawal to make room for others. This is not just about specific roles, and making sure I have had a clear and transparent succession plan for these roles, but also how I conduct myself as an elder generally. Some leaders have felt that if they withdraw at times and seasons, it will be ‘abandoning’ the people. I disagree. Of course we need to do it with wisdom. After serving for many years as the regional and then field leaders for South and Central Asia in our mission organization, my wife and I felt to move from India back to the US for the final years of our daughters’ education and also to care for our parents. We resigned our roles and made the painful transition in identity and location.

This was not an easy season, but looking back it created space for our leaders to fully lead. We continued to be in contact and in the past 10 years have been able to go back for significant chunks of time to South Asia, not as the leaders but in a supportive eldership role. This is an example of ‘strategic withdrawal’. It can often involve leaving a situation physically so that there is room and space created for others.

So here are a few simple (yet not easy) points to consider:

1. Both the elders and those around them, whatever culture they may be, need to be aware of how the elder’s presence can affect and influence decisions and processes. And that awareness should lead at times to open discussions about creative ways to both honor and respect the elder, while continuing to open up space and room for the younger leaders around them.
2. For the elder, we need to be careful to not invest our identity in that role, and to be able to step back at times. That can be done practically by not attending some meetings, not always sitting in the front, not always being the one who needs to pray or give input. There are times to speak, and times to be silent. You would think we would have learned that by an older age, but not always!
3. If we are younger leaders, of course we want to honor our elders in age and experience. But we also need to work through our sense of obligation to always have them pray and give input. We can be comfortable if in some meetings or situations they are silent and not asked to do anything.
4. What does strategic withdrawal mean in your life and context? Does it involve the need to geographically distance yourself so that others will be able to fill that space you have for so long filled?
5. None of us want to have to be forced out because we just won’t let go. But the reality is that as we get older, our bodies or mind is not as strong. At times we tend to talk too long, tell too many stories, fill the space. If we stay too long without retiring, it may become harder and harder for others to lovingly get us out. It makes it easier for everyone if we step back ourselves willingly, still being open to give wisdom at times or when called on.

Let’s be careful of having ‘elders for life’. And let’s keep creating open places of discussion in all cultures for all ages. These are very sensitive areas, and require a spirit of gentleness and wisdom.